Holidays are a season of celebration where we take time off work to be with our family and friends, have a great time, and have a good laugh; however, holidays can be an awful season to look forward to when you’re going through a divorce. You won’t be spending the holidays with your former partner and, depending on if you have kids or had a set of holiday traditions with your partner’s family, you may not be getting to spend the holidays with all of the people you’re used to sharing them with and who you wish you could be sharing them with. You may even be dreading this holiday season all together.
But as much as you want to escape it, you have to get through it. This first holiday season will be the worst, but each one will get easier and easier. For now, here are some tips on how you can spend your first holidays after divorce to make the process easier on yourself:
Let Go of Perfection
With all of the emotional baggage that you’re going to bring, expect that the holiday season will not be perfect. Don’t try to have everything go according to your plan and allow flexibility with your holidays. The season is about happiness, not perfection. Even if you can’t do exactly what you wished, you can still have a wonderful time going with the flow.
Spend Time with Loved Ones
When you get divorced from your partner and you have children, you must accept the hard fact that you won’t be able to spend the holidays with your children all the time. There will be a time when they get to spend it with your partner and times when they spend it with you. When it’s not your turn, you should occupy and surround yourself with people who matter to you the most and try to enjoy the holiday. You could spend your holidays with your parents or with your siblings, or even with your friends who aren’t spending the holiday with their families.
Elevate Your Mood
With the holiday season coming up as a single person, you may want to lighten up your mood a little. You do deserve a little fun after all. You could do activities that you enjoy the most or do things that you didn’t get to do while you were married.
You can go shopping and buy yourself a nice gift, party, redecorate the whole house, apply for a painting class, or whatever it is that you’re dying to do. Do something out of the ordinary and you might find yourself better after the holidays.
If you have children and they want both of their parents to be present during the holidays, be civil to your ex. Your divorce is as difficult as it is to them. You get the chance to decide to lose your partner, but they did not get a chance to decide to change their family.
During the first holiday season, be civil and mature about your feelings and be present with your children – but you have to make sure that it’s clear that you’re just trying to be a family and not be a married couple anymore. You don’t want to get their hopes up and be sad right after.
Focus on Others
The holiday season is all about being thankful for the life you have and celebrate it. It’s the perfect time to spend with your family and friends. Sure, you’re going through a divorce, but people around you might be going through something too and just waiting for you to lend a shoulder.
Focus on others. Focus on making other people happy so that they can have a great holiday. You could even go volunteering at a soup kitchen as it’s time to give back to those who are in need. This will make you feel good and take off your mind of the things that are bothering you.
Going through a divorce is tough, especially during your first holiday as newly single. But the holiday season is the season of joy and peace. There are a lot of different ways on how you can distract yourself and make yourself happy during the holidays. Just remember that you’ll get through it and, soon, you might even start dating again! Just do your best to make the best of an unideal situation and appreciate all of the people in your life who are still with you and who love you.
Yes the first year for me was really bad, as my husband left in November, so that is one year that I’m glad is gone and done, but yes it does get better