Who Lights Your Path?

| November 15, 2016 | 10 Comments



Who Lights Your Path?

My bedroom is dark. The only light is coming from the muted baby monitor on my bedside table flashing red. My early riser is yelling her protest. She is ready to begin this day, even though the moon and stars outside my window suggest it is still night. I pull myself to my elbows and breathe deeply. Then I hear a shuffle and a quick click. It is my husband taking the baby monitor off of its charger and venturing across the hall to start the day. Soft voices, baby giggles, and a few moments later the sound of coffee being made. I lay in bed close to tears. Tears of relief. He’s home, I remind myself. He’s home.

My husband is an officer in the Canadian Forces and for more months than I care to count his deployments have left me solo parenting our two little ones. Mother and military spouse. A merging of two titles bestowed upon me by the school of life that three university degrees and ten years of professional work experience didn’t prepare me for.

Entering into motherhood as a military spouse is hard.  Hard in an isolating, disorientating, life shifting way. Often people have asked me how I do it and to be honest part of it is operating in survival mode for days at a time. The other part, the other source of strength that pushes me, well, that took me a long time to identify. Until finally I realized –  it comes from my heart. You see, like many of you, I come from a long line of strong women, who happened to also be strong mothers, and they mothered under much more adversity than I. Unlike myself these women mothered alone without the reassurance that (god willing) their partner was coming home.  Mothers who ran on faith, cups of tea, and the strong shoulders of neighbors who were more family than anything else. Mothers whose arms meant home and who’s words were as soothing as warm flannel on a cold night. It is these human examples of strength that live in my heart, that light my path, and fuel my strength in this season of my life. In my darkest hours alone as a young mother, who is also a military spouse, these women kept me going.  They kept me going when I sank to the floor with hot tears falling down my face as my two babies wailed in their rooms in the black of night for hours on end. They kept me going when I tucked my baby monitor into my winter coat and shoveled my snowed in driveway night after night so I could get my vehicle out the next morning. Life must go on. It is these women who pulled me through the isolation that comes from living a life separate from the only other being on earth who knows better than I what I need to be ok.

Military spouse or not. Young mother or seasoned. Parenting solo or with another.  When you reach your moment of hot tears, long unshoveled driveways and endless wailing, who lives in your heart? Who ignites your inner strength? Maybe it is a person in your life now or someone who is no longer with you. Perhaps it is something more spiritual. A universal energy maybe. Parenting books, experts, the latest research, they are all wonderful to have at our fingertips.  But see past the pages, let stillness seep into your soul, then look into your heart and ask, who lights my path? You may be surprised who you find.

(Photo Credit: Phillip Durand)

Julianne Durand

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Category: Babies and Toddlers, Family, Moms

About the Author ()

Julianne Durand is a Masters educated Social Worker and a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator. She has over 10 years of experience working with children, parents, and families in community-based and governmental settings in both Nova Scotia and Ontario. Currently, Julianne operates Parenting Calm, Living Connected, a family-focused counseling service in the community of Russell. Julianne is a proud military spouse and mother of two little girls who she strives to parent in a mindful and connected way. Read more about her work at www.parentingcalmlivingconnect.ca

Comments (10)

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  1. CyrilMac Kinnon says:

    Very well written article right from a very strong and wonderful mother.A persons heart is a treasure trove of truth and love.Your writing always inspires others to write from the heart.Always keep writing .Love Dad.

  2. Elizabeth Matthiesen says:

    A very enjoyable read. I was a military spouse with 7 children, so I know what you are talking about.

  3. loriag says:

    Not a military wife, but I lived far away from family and we had to go it our own while raising our boys. My path was lit by my faith and by my friends around me.

    • So many have the experience of parenting without their “village”. I am happy you created one for yourself and found the support and comfort you needed. Thank you for reading. – Julianne

  4. Pat says:

    A heart felt tribute to the spirit and strength of mothers,past and present.

  5. Cheryl says:

    Thanks for sharing your story. I think in the darkest time we have to look with in and prove it to our selves that we can do this just one one hour….day…week…month what ever it is to get us through.

  6. Fan R. says:

    After reading this I feel that I am not alone. It was hard to go through everything when others rely on you and you have to be stronger like never before!

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