The P word… Dealing with Mild Postpartum Depression part 2

So, where did we leave off?

Oh right!

I sure was not prepared for what happened next. I found myself getting upset at the drop of a hat. Little things like my hand spassing and dropping a fresh unclosed bottle or open container of food would get me so mad, I’d literally pick it up and chuck it in the sink! Or something like my dog not  listening to go to her mat, after telling her three hundred times! I would honestly find myself screaming at her to lay down…

My husband would try to help, by telling me to relax or calm down, but come on really? Does telling a women, who is massively hormonal and over tired, to relax or calm down really the right thing to say? I don’t know why I was getting so upset, but it was like any small thing was setting me off. I found myself withdrawing from everything.

Before I was happy to go outside and show Marshall the world, but now I looked at it as a huge hassle. I’m by myself most the time, since my husband works nights for about 5 days out of the week, so it’s up to me to really to get a lot of things done when he’s working and sleeping. If we need things like groceries or anything, it’s up to me to do them during those days. Now picture this, carrying a 24 pound baby on my back, hip, or chest while being guided by my lovely guide Gail during rain, snow or sunshine.IMG_4040

I have to get it done and carry him and the diaper bag, on top of  anything else we pick up along the way. It’s hard work, he’s heavy, and don’t forget I have m.s.. Half the time I’m  in pain or tired, but if I don’t do it, I have to wait until Dylan’s off. Well, by that time the week’s over, and usually we need things way before, things that can’t wait… I felt like I was slowly losing myself.

My days where starting to completely blur together. It all started to feel like a never-ending cycle. I started to hate myself. I hated how I looked, how I couldn’t control outbursts, and how I had no motivation anymore. I still enjoyed life, like I was happy at points during the day. Marshall would drive me nuts, but then make it all worth it with a giggle or smile. My husband and I would watch a great movie or TV show, and I would laugh until it hurt. It wasn’t like every waking moment was full of dread and despair or anger and frustration, but I was starting to feel like it was  happening more than usual.

Finally, I admitted defeat and went to my doctor. I had to do a little questionnaire about how I was feeling, and after some discussion she came to the conclusion that I was extremely over worked and had mild postpartum. I was a little confused because I thought that happened right after birth, not like 6 months later… Well apparently it can happen whenever and on the brighter side of things, mine wasn’t that bad. I was just worked too hard and stressed and the big one, overtired. My doctor and I felt it best I go on a mild antidepressant for my anxiety and frustrations, and I was told it would take a few weeks to work. Well after one week I found myself waking up happier and reacting way better to things that would normally devastate me or set me off.

Things are finally starting to look up. We are settling into our grove as a family, and finally I feel happier with life. I feel confident as a mother and as a woman, and I feel in control. We are soon moving into a bigger home and it finally feels like things are going to be good.

I am kind of grateful for these experiences. I honestly hate when you talk with others and they give off the impression that their life is great or that dealing with a newborn is so easy and amazing. Great, I’m glad they are having such a great time, but honestly I think sometimes a little craziness and truthfulness about how hard this job is is refreshing. I hope that no mom, parent or guardian has to feel alone. If they feel overwhelmed at times, it’s because it is normal and I think we need more people with the courage to say that it’s not all smiles and happy times, because as rewarding as being a parent is, it can also be one of the most horribly challenging things you will ever do.

SMOOTCHY!

SMOOTCHY!

Until next time!

Courtney.

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Category: Family, Moms, Moms Wellness, Wellness

About the Author ()

A number of years ago I went blind, and as a result found out I had Multiple Sclerosis. After my diagnosis, I attended a new high school for the visually impaired. That is where I met the love of my life, my husband Dylan. Dylan helped me get through becoming blind and find joy in life again. Shortly after graduating, we moved to Ottawa together and in December of 2011, we were married. A year later we welcomed our beautiful son Marshall to the world. In 2015, after two miscarriages we welcomed our beautiful rainbow baby Charlotte into the world. It hasn't been easy adjusting to being blind and living with M.S on a daily basis , and being a mom of two on top of everything. Life has been... lets say challenging! But oh so worth it!

Comments (3)

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  1. I’m so glad to hear that you and your doctor found a solution that is working. After the birth of my first child, I had really severe PPD. I remember wanting to crawl under the carpet at my doctor’s office when I noticed a new mom who was so happy and joyful and I was barely functional. I had a lot of guilt about not being more happy about being a new mom and more “with it.” But the truth is that I think more of us are struggling as new moms than we like to admit and reaching out and being honest about our experiences really helps us feel less alone. Great post!

  2. Beyondseeingwithcourtney says:

    I had a lot of guit to for not experiencing the happy side of things like I guess you were supposed to. I think the thing to remember is everyone’s different and as long as everyone is loved and taken care of it doesn’t matter if we can keep up with others or act as happy as them

  3. kathy downey says:

    Everyone is different,I love that little smile

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