My Struggles With Birth

| November 18, 2013 | 5 Comments


In my 29th year, I got pregnant in August. This meant I was due to give birth in may the following year. Nine months flew by very quickly without any complications. On May 10,1989, I awoke to labour pains. My husband and I drove the twenty miles to the hospital. As we got closer, I had a feeling of cold pass through me. We arrived and I was put in the labour room . I was lucky enough to know the nurse who was hooking me up to a baby monitor. She left the room and came back with another one saying that the first one wasn’t working I thought all right, I guess this is normal. She left the room and came back with the doctor who started fiddling with the monitor. Soon enough he was checking me out. He said that he was going to put some wires on the baby’s head. All right, so I guess he is checking the baby out. The room was very still and quiet. BOOM, he told me that the placenta had given away and that the baby was dead. My heart sank, the tears began to flow amidst the pains of labour. I had waited nine long months to be told this. How dare he.  How could this be happening to me? I was then offered an epidural and wheeled into the delivery room. Amidst the tears I gave birth to  a handsome baby boy, William. I was asked if I wanted to hold him,,,,,I just could not. I knew if I did I would not want to let him go. I was then offered  pictures to be taken of him, which I accepted. I was put in a semi-private room with a woman who had lost a set of twins. My husband had to start the process for a funeral. I was released the following day. I could not go upstairs to where the nursery was laid out. I stayed downstairs in a depression for several months. I slowly composed myself enough to go back to work.

In August of that year I got pregnant again. This meant that I would be giving birth in May the following year. As usual I had no complications for the nine months. On the 10th of May, again I went into labour. Exactly one year since I gave birth to William. I arrived  at the hospital and again the baby monitor was put in place. This time the Doctor was present when I arrived. All of a sudden I had two Doctors and countless nurses attending me. The monitor showed the baby was in distress. The placenta was giving away again. How could this be, exactly a year to the day. I was wheeled so fast to the operating room. I saw the Doctor get on top of me to cut me open as I was put under. I awoke without a baby present. The doctors had put him in special neonatal department. He was born with no Apgar reading but was revived. He had no sodium, or other nutrients in his body. We named him Donald after my Father. I was not able to see him for several days. When I did see him I was so full of emotion, he had so many wires and tubes. After a week, I was able to go home with Donald in tow. He is 23 years old now, is in the 97th percentile. Has graduated University and is very healthy. My next pregnancy went without a hitch as I had my next son two weeks  before his due date. A planned caesarian.

Being pregnant  and giving birth was a roller coaster ride of emotion. The stress of not knowing can be very hard on ones’ soul. I still say I have three boys, because in my mind I do.  I will never forget William, he is always in my heart.

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Category: Family, Moms, Pregnancy, Relationships

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Comments (5)

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  1. Dear Jennifer,

    I am so sorry to read about the loss of William. He will always be your son, you will always be his Mother.

    I am so happy to hear that your second son is doing so well. He and William will always share a special bond like they share a birthday.

    Thank you so much for sharing. No one likes to talk about child loss but it can make those of us that have lost feel so alone. You know that you can always talk to me about all three of your boys.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo

  2. Victoria Ess says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Saying that birth has been a rollercoaster of emotions sounds like quite the understatement. I’m glad you were blessed with three boys.

  3. Judy C (Cowan) says:

    I am so sorry for yous loss. I can’t imagine what it would of been like to go 9 months and lose your son right at the end. Losing a child is one of the hardest thing to go through. William will aways be your angel.

  4. Fan R says:

    Birth it is always very difficult, and I am so sorry for your loss. For me you are a very strong woman and I am happy you have amazing kids.

  5. kathy downey says:

    I cant tell you how sorry I am as read this post,the pain may lessen as time goes by but we keep the memories in our heart…blessings

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