From the boardroom to the kitchen – Welcome

| January 20, 2013 | 0 Comments

“What happened to me?”

“Is this what all the years of schooling and promotions have led to?”

“Am I fulfilled?”

“Will I go back to work someday?”

“Am I just going through a phase?”

“Do people still respect me? Do they respect me more? Does it matter?”

“Do I respect myself?”

“Have I made the right choice?”

Two years ago I chose to walk away from my career and these are the questions that some days seem to be on constant repeat in my brain. Even after all this time.

After years of schooling followed by years of focus on career growth, I made the choice to leave all the white-knuckle driving, the daily rushing from work to pick up one child from daycare and another from after-school care, the racing home to prepare dinner, taking them to activities, bathing them, and finally putting them to bed. Many people don’t have that choice and I appreciate that my financial situation opened that door for me. I am grateful. I promise. “What if I regret it one day? What if I the something ‘bad’ happens and money becomes an issue? What if I want to go back and I’m considered a has-been?”

I didn’t leave my job because my children were suffering or because I felt that children should be with their mommy all the time. I took myself out of the rat race because I was exhausted. I have certainly gained time with my family but perhaps more importantly, gone are now the struggles and frustrations of figuring out what to do for child care, dealing with snow days and bus cancellations, bringing in grandparent reinforcements when business travel interfered with the regular routine, firing up the laptop after the children were asleep and the overall juggling. I have also gained time for myself and I cherish that. It’s not something that factored into my decision to leave work but it’s a definite bonus. However I also chose to walk away from a salary, personal recognition, adult conversation about adult topics, and intellectual stimulation.

So what about “having it all”? Is it wrong to want both?

I’ve “opted out” but I can’t help wondering whether I want to opt back in. I feel stuck in this in-between world where I don’t really fit in with the career moms nor the stay-at-home moms. For now, I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and be judged by some who think my worries are selfish, and others who think I have nothing to complain about. Join me as I struggle with the highs and lows of walking away from my career and staying home to be more available for my family.

Expect to read stories about the stuff my children do that cracks me up, my adventures in volunteering at the school, my attempts to stay ‘intellectually stimulated’, and the things  I do to stay healthy and fit.  By the way, I also love to cook so you can expect to see a recipe from time to time.

You can also read more from me on my personal blog at You’re Pregnant, Now What? where I give a realistic and humorous look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of pregnancy and baby’s first year.

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