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Time to Listen Mom! Talking to Your Daughter about Being a Tween/Teen

| November 3, 2014 | 18 Comments

Has your mom tried to talk (Small)

When it comes to topics like puberty, it’s important to start talking with your tween daughter from an early age – ideally when she’s between 9 and 12 years old. If you notice that she’s in a receptive mood, use the opportunity to have one of those talks with her, keeping in mind that it should be age appropriate and not too drawn-out. For example, if she comes home from school saying one of her friends started her period or wearing a bra, that would be the ideal time to have the puberty talk and see how she feels about it.

I think one of the most difficult aspects of parenting is being an active listener. Sometimes, we get carried away and tell our kids too much about certain life situations, when in fact, often the best thing to do is listen while they reflect and express their feelings and emotions. Even if the information is well-intended (which in most instances it is), it could pretty much be TMI (too much information) for your daughter. You don’t want her to get overwhelmed, to shut down, or worse, push you away. That’s why it’s so important to look for the signs that let us know when they’ve heard enough. If the signs are there, simply change the subject and wait for the next opportunity.

Timing is truly the key factor for an enjoyable discussion. It’s all about knowing your daughter and finding that perfect time to talk to her about puberty. I find that family rituals, like Friday game nights, are a great way to maintain an open line of communication with your daughter as she’s likely going to take part in them even as a teenager for tradition’s sake. Family get-togethers help to break the ice, so a wonderful time to have the puberty talk could be right after watching a movie or cooking a meal. Even an overnight mother-daughter trip would be exciting for your daughter and a good time to chat in the car or at the hotel.

How do you get your daughter to answer your questions? It’s best if they are open-ended versus incriminating ones that she will refrain from answering. Also, if you remain open-minded and are not quick to judge, your daughter will feel more comfortable answering your questions and be less defensive. The idea is to have your daughter think for herself, which will in turn help her feel like she is in control of the situation.

MSL Group - P&G Being Girl Event 2013 TNP-257 (Small)

Tweens love social media, so why not take advantage of a tweet, Facebook post, TV commercial, film, or even an event on the news? These are ideal times to ask her how she feels about the situation!

Your daughter needs your support, love and understanding on a daily basis to get through puberty. Open communication with your daughter should be a part of your daily lives and having talks more frequently will help her to be more receptive and more likely to come to you with her own questions.

An amazing website for teen and tween girls is BeingGirl.com. Your daughter can find answers to any questions she might have and therefore, be more open to discuss what she read with you after. In turn, this will make it easier to get the conversation started…..

For more information on how to talk to your daughter about puberty, you can visit the Always Changing website sponsored by P&G, the experts in feminine care with Always & Tampax.

Although this post has been generously sponsored by Always, the opinions and language are all my own, and in no way do they reflect Always.

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Category: Family, Mother-Daughter

About the Author ()

Lyne is happily married and has two teenagers: a 16 year old son and a 20 year old daughter. She is a Certified Infant Massage Instructor (CIMI), Certified Professional Wedding Consultant, and an Event Planner. It has always been her dream to create a website dedicated just for Moms since her children were young. Thus, after 10 years, she finally accomplished it, and the Ottawa Mommy Club was born in May 2011. She is also the Queen B of the BConnected Conference, Canada's Digital Influencer and social media Conference in Ottawa. She coordinated the Annual Infant Information Day/Early Years Expo for the City of Ottawa for 8 years. She was also the co-chair of the Navan for Kraft Hockeyville 2009-2011 committee that organized five community events within 6 months, and helped Navan reach the top 10 finalists in Canada. In April 2011, she received the Mayor's City Builder Award. Author's website.

Comments (18)

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  1. Victoria Ess says:

    I think another important this is to demonstrate openness about the topic both before a conversation is ever had, and during.

  2. Lian says:

    I try to talk and to get my teen to talk to me about difficult subjects if she brings them up, or when we have some mommy-daughter time. We also talk if there is a specific topic on TV we encounter, or if there is a topic we want to talk about is seen on the Internet. I just hope that we can continue to keep this line communication open between us as she gets older and starts hanging out with her friends more.

  3. Elizabeth Matthiesen says:

    It’s definitely not an easy task and each child is different. I often wonder if I did a good job with my kids, now all adults but it can’t have been too bad as they have all grown into great, responsive, loving adults.

  4. It is so crazy to think about how soon this stage of life will come up for my kids! Great post! 🙂

  5. Jessica says:

    My daughter is smack dab in the middle of this age group and I am so thankful that she always comes to me to talk and that we have such a great relationship that way. I will only hope that it continues on into her teens.

  6. Bonnie Way says:

    These are great tips – thanks! My oldest is still a few years away from this (she’s almost 7), but she still notices things I do, like shaving or putting on a bra or using deodorant, and asks questions. I try to give light, quick answers right now but I know we’ll be having longer chats about them in the future. 🙂

  7. What an awesome picture! I think opening the conversation up long before puberty is key to talking to a tween. I feel pretty confident we have built that relationship for when the time comes!

  8. Yes that site is great for info and coupons. My oldest and I had the talk many many years ago

  9. Paula H says:

    Being a boy mom, I thought I’d never have to have “that” talk with a girl! It just so happened a friend of mines daughter was staying with us when she had her first visit. I was nervous but it went well. Definitely a talk I never thought I’d have!~

  10. kathy downey says:

    I find sitting with teens/tween face to face make teens uncomfortable,but I found talking while doing something and just carrying on a conversation they tend to be more open to discuss topics

  11. kathy downey says:

    Communication is the Key

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