During puberty, a girl’s developing body is flooded by hormones. Therefore, this will affect her mood. Your sweet 12 year old daughter his now starting to have tantrums like a 2 year old, be a drama queen, and self-centered, as well as focused on her friends and activities. She also wants to feel grown up and be more independent. Let me assure you that it will pass and it also gives you the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with her. She will put you to the test, so you might have to change your parenting style and really focus on listening to her and looking for signs that she needs you (even if she says she doesn’t, at that age, she still does.). Remember how it was for you during that stage in your life, yes, I find that helps to understand her better. Unfortunately, we have all been there to some extent.
It’s also a time of self acceptance, thus not always that easy with her peers, especially when girls say harsh words, be cruel, and also bully each other. There might be lots of pressure from friends to be part of the “gang’ or be “cool” and not be a little girl anymore. She will test your parenting skills! Even if your daughter pushes you away, a sign she needs more space, stay connected and spend quality time together, just the two of you, like a shopping or spa day, movie or game night, etc.. Take interest into what she likes is key to a bonding mother-daughter relationship. I found the best time to talk to my daughter would be just before bedtime where there were no distractions and when she was more open to talk about her day. A good night kiss, even when they are teenagers, is still acceptable!
I always tried to find ways to give my daughter more independence and have her make choices for herself since she was a child. Yes, she made mistakes, but it built her self-esteem and made her more responsible for her actions. I have to say that this helped with her not been rebellious through puberty.
Sometimes we also forget that a specific incident that is no big deal to us might seem like the end of the world to your daughter. She might dramatize over growing pains and menstrual cramps, so use empathy with her. She might even be a typical teenager and just say things like “you just don’t get it”! Ouch! Unfortunately, she doesn’t get that we have been through this too. Don’t take it personally or be hurt by what she says or does. Her hormones and emotions are a like a roller coster ride, up and down! She is trying to figure out her own identity, and has fears and insecurities. If I got into a heated argument with me daughter when she was cranky, I noticed that I was pushing her away. In life you have to learn when to win your battles, this was definitely not the time. Keep your cool, your voice calm, model self-control, and support her into becoming a young woman. Good luck!
For tips on helping you talk to your daughter about puberty, you can visit Always Changing website sponsored by P&G.
Although this post has been generously sponsored by Always, the opinions and language are all my own, and in no way do they reflect Always.