I found out just how fast my car drives last weekend.
My life has done a complete 180 in the last week, and I’m not sure if my head has stopped spinning. After finally making the decision to move with my boyfriend to Ottawa, we broke up. At the time it seemed really unexpected and wrong. Now, not so much. I think it was right, but his timing was less than stellar. We were on vacation a province away. For a wedding. And it was 9 pm. I packed my bags and left the hotel and I drove 5 hours sobbing all the way… occasionally driving faster than I have ever driven before. I couldn’t wait to get out of that car.
When he came by to get his things (which, might I add, I packed and piled neatly at the door for him), I felt my heart break all over again. I sobbed onto his chest and listened to his explanation and apology. I collapsed onto my bed as he closed the door for the last time. It sucked. I’m sure I don’t have to tell anyone how much it hurt in that moment. Break ups are never fun. I wandered into my kitchen and picked up the cup of coffee I had made for him. The cup he didn’t drink, with milk and honey as he always takes it. It was cold, but I sat on my balcony and I drank it.
I’d resigned from my job less than a week before, so I had to go into the office and ask for it back. I showered, did my hair and put on my favourite dress. I put on some mascara, grabbed my lipstick and swallowed what was left of my pride. It didn’t really work out. But, it’s workable. It’s not so bad, Ash, I told myself, You’ve made it through worse. And I will again, I’m sure.
It’s a bump in the road.
And they happen, don’t they? We get sick on vacation. Our team loses the game. We get into a fender bender on the way to an important interview. We lose friends, relationships and occasionally a bit of our sanity. We spill coffee on our white clothing, mess up our manicures on the way to the car and we remember our wallet on the kitchen counter when we’re at the gas pump. Shit happens.
I’ll miss him and I’ll always care about him. I wish things had been different, but they weren’t. I can’t dwell on it. It’s time for a fresh start. A new beginning.
And a cup of hot coffee. Made the way I like it.