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Baby, Meet my, um… baby

| November 22, 2013 | 11 Comments
If only he'd stay peacefully asleep...

If only he’d stay peacefully asleep…

There’s a long list of things I don’t want to hear my toddler say in the middle of the night. They’re things like “Mommy, I think I had an accident!” and “Mommy, I threw up!” But they pale in comparison to this zinger: Mommy, what’s that guy’s name?

Le sigh.

Dating as a single parent isn’t easy. Between work and blogging and Mommy-F time, I have to juggle cooking, cleaning, and try to squeeze in 20 minutes or so for “mental health” purposes. Nailing down a babysitter for “Mommy Nights Out” is hard – not to mention expensive. Most sitters charge $10 an hour, and even if I aim to be home by midnight I’m usually looking at a $50 expense just to get out for the evening. It’s a great treat, but it’s just that: a treat.

After my last break-up, there were two broken hearts to deal with in this household. F missed the man who’d been such a big part of our lives, and although I could see that it was for the best it was a lot harder to get this across to him. And that’s about the moment I decided that F would meet people only after 4-6 months of dating – when I was sure.
And then this happened.

Around the end of August, in an effort to get myself back to me, I reconnected with someone I’d previously gone out with. We both agreed that a no-pressure approach was critical. I saw him about once a week during September. And now, I see him, on average, a couple of times a week – including his Starbucks deliveries to my office (a keeper, I know). We haven’t discussed anything, but we’ve been spending time together more regularly as of late and I found myself wondering if I’d be introducing him to F.

The Friday after Hallowe’en, I might have realized, would be a night of partying for everyone on my babysitter call list. By mid-late afternoon, I had pretty well given up home. When my date asked if he should just come over and have a glass of wine and hang out after F went to sleep, I said sure. It’s not the first time we’ve had a grown-up night on my couch while F slept in his room. I laid on the couch after F fell asleep reading newly-downloaded books on my Kobo until my phone rang letting me know my date had arrived.

I sneaked out to the front door to let him in and we quietly made our way to the other end of my flat without F noticing. Perfect. We had some wine, watched a movie and did the things that people do when they’re dating. It’s important to note that I never stay up past midnight – such a big deal for me. (This is where we should celebrate my awesomeness.) The clock, I learned, read about 3 am when F began crying. I laid with him for a moment and, thinking he was back asleep, I slipped out of his room. My date barely breathed for fear of F hearing him and getting upset. It was fruitless. F wanted to go to my room. Foolishly thinking my date had gone to grab his jacket in the dining room, I walked into the hall with F and he spotted him: the silhouette of a man standing in the light of my bedroom. And then he asked it: Mommy, what’s that guy’s name?

This was so not what I imagined for the first meeting.

Think of the most awkward experience of your life, and then multiply it by 10. I was so rattled by the experience that, after my lovely man friend left, I only managed to sleep for about one hour before getting up at 5 am and making coffee. I was the only one to lose sleep over the incident, but it’s made me think long and hard about whether or not I’m ready for a new guy in our lives and it means a conversation with my hunk next time we get together. Just us. Far, far, far away from my sleeping child.

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Category: Family, Moms, Relationships

About the Author ()

Ashley is a single mum, blogger, Twitter addict, public relations professional and beauty-product junkie. Shoes are her best friend. Currently living in Halifax, NS, Ashley spends her days between two offices, playing trains and writing about the ins and outs of single motherhood, divorce, and being a twenty-something in this big old world. She's still deciding what she wants to be when she grows up, over many cups of coffee and the occasional (big) glass of wine. Author's website.

Comments (11)

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  1. That would be a pretty sticky situation balancing how private your personal gown up life should be in the dating process. I hope thinks work out with your man and that your little man will like him too.

  2. Elizabeth Matthiesen says:

    It’s not easy being a single mum on its own but then trying to coordinate a life for yourself with babysitters, your child’s well-being and finances it’s downright near impossible. Don’t give up hope though, that’s the most important thing. Just take things one step at a time, it’ll all work out in the end.

  3. nicolthepickle says:

    Oh girl, your story is a little sad to read.

  4. jan says:

    So tough balancing what you think is best for yourself and what is best for your child. Be easier on yourself as it isn’t like you are introducing a new man every month.

  5. Li'l Ms. Write says:

    Thanks to all for commenting on this post. Jan and Elizabeth hit the nail on the head: balance is hard, but attainable. My focus is on my son before anything else. The rest is icing on the cake 🙂

  6. BARB LAWRENCE says:

    balancing is difficult. We are a blended family of 7. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you choose to look for it.

  7. Victoria Ess says:

    Balancing the different roles in your life sounds difficult. You clearly care a lot about F and I can’t help but wonder if you are been a teeny bit hard on yourself? You’d be the best person to answer that question.

  8. Brenda A says:

    Private time is not easy in any family with little kids! Hope you find all the happiness (and privacy!) you need!

  9. kathy downey says:

    Hope all has worked out well

  10. kathy downey says:

    Wishing you happiness in 2015

  11. kathy downey says:

    One day at a time!

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